You can't special order awesome
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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