I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
