My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
