just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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