Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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