I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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