The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
