Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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