dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
