is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
