if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
