She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
