ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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