Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
