i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
