So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
