Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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