i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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