I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize