omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
God, I missed his penis.
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