2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
