I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
