When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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