who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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