My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
