u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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