Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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