naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
