Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
