hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
