It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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