Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
