Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
