he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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