I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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