this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
