Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
