hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
