Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
vagina is talking i cant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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