Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
