My entire life is one complicated drinking game
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
