We won't sleep together?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
