We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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