i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
