what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
