I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
