I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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