so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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