I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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