Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
