my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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