We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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