I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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