I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
did you just send me my own nude
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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