Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
