im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
