WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
