what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
