is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
