Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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