I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
