you didnt know i had herpes?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
