Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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