Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
